First they're all for Martin to stay here and now they're not. Because I'm occupying two rooms.
It's just easier when he's here because I don't have to be 100% OCD all the time. I can go a night without washing my hair if I want to. I don't have to vacuum every night. I don't have to worry so much about my laundry touching things. I don't have to listen to my dad running the damn kitchen faucet every fuckin three seconds. I don't hear my mom stepping on the same fuckin creek on the same fuckin stair every time she goes downstairs. It's quiet in this room. I can actually sleep. I can nap if I want to without being woken up 5 minutes into falling asleep and I don't have to hear my dad snoring.
Plus I've already moved the majority of my books in this room. And now I can't put them back in my room cause they're "dirty" now.
As much as I love my book collection, I know I need to let some of these books go. I need to read them and let them go. I simply don't have room here for them. I don't have room for much in this house, even though I do take up a lot of room. I tried throwing out a bunch of clothes I didn't wear anymore while my parents were at Vegas, but I didn't get around to cleaning out my room. I probably should soon though.
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I applied for the Walt Disney World College Program. I had my phone interview on Wednesday the 15th, I turned in my application I think 1AM-ish on Saturday morning? I didn't tell my parents, I just said I had a phone interview that was extremely important. I won't hear for the next 2-6 weeks if I'm accepted or not. Martin applied too, I'm hoping we both get in, even though it's across the country in Florida... I figure if I don't get accepted, I'll apply to the one at Disneyland.
I'm sad at the thought of leaving the only house I've ever lived in, but at the same time, I'm 25. I'm 5 years away from being 30 and I've never lived anywhere else. And working for Disney is my dream. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering, this could be my big break! I don't wanna leave Meez or Jay or Boq, but I have to. Other than my furbabies and my abers, I don't have much else of a reason to stay here.
I just know if I tell my parents if I get accepted they won't be happy for me. They won't be excited for me. They don't know how much this means to me. They don't know how big of a Disney fan I am. And the last time I brought this up with my mom, she said it was just a childish dream. Just like with every other dream I've ever had. And I can only imagine what my dad will say, which I'm sure will consist of "that's too far". And it makes me sad, but I think I've pretty much accepted that nothing I do will make them proud. And I'm doing everything for me. To take care of myself. To make sure I get to where I need to go.
At least I know my abers will be happy and proud of me. And I know I'll be proud of me. And that's all that should really matter anyway.
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